Book II

The Book of Erwin

Chapter 1

[1:1] So forth the new named Tharassor (named by Captain Gladius) used his trident to push ripples in the water creating a current

[1:2] The fishes were swirling and were in misdirection 

[1:3] But the captains and men all alike guided the fish out of misdirection

[1:4] As the fish thanked the men Tharassor threw the trident into an island and his image sunk through the clouds

[1:5] The clouds parted and the blue sky revealed

[1:6] The captains & sailers were happy that the sky was blue

[1:7] As the boats drifted into the currents on boat got pulled to far 

[1:8] A whirl pool engulfed the whole ship

[1:9] The illusion that a man's face ate the ship was shown

[1:10] At the back of the boat sat Captain Erwin

[1:11] He was trembling, he was mumbling and he was saying that the end was near

[1:12] “The end is near! Hell is approaching” and so it did

[1:13] The final punishment for not honoring the pirates oath

[1:14] A deep voice approached them

[1:15] “The Pirate Oath was not meant to be betrayed…” 

[1:16] A golden fork dropped down. Erwin was the one holding it

[1:17] Two spikes came from his back. “Hell is where I belong, I tried to concur the Abyss”

[1:18] The sorrow in his eyes was enough to feel empathy but not forgiveness

[1:19] “I'm sorry o mighty gods!” he cried. “But I have to finish what I started.”   

[1:20] He grabbed the fork and looked pretty disappointed. 

[1:21] He killed everyone on the ship and conquered the abyss

[1:22] He turned the dark abyss into a land of meatballs

[1:23] From the ground rose a marinara volcano and spaghetti vine that strangles you

[1:24] Every time someone dies Tharassor and Erwin fight to see if you go to the great goodness or meatball hell 

[1:25] The great goodness has a dinosaur park and an all you can eat buffet and 100 Margaritavilles and 200 Rainforest Cafes 

[1:26] The middle of both is earth. Great, wide and full of gods.

Chapter 2

[2:1] Moving on from the absurdity of Chapter one lets get to know more about the Church of Pirates and the great goodness.

[2:2] This Chapter is more of an explanation so I really shouldn’t be marking every line because no one is going to quote this but this is my religion not yours!

[2:3] The meatball man is a meatball that is the son of Erwin but unlike is deranged father he is good

[2:4] He saves citizens of all races and backgrounds and if you pray for him he might save you too. And save you a booth at one of the Rain forest cafes in The great goodness

[2:5] There are also some rules about the great goodness

[2:6] The 10 Very Strict Rules to get into the Great Goodness (The 10 Rules):

I: Don’t smoke (1-2 Cigars a year at most but nothing else) 

II: Only Drink on the weekends and only 3 glasses max,if bottles only 2 and if vodka only one and NO SHOTS!!!

III: YOU HAVE TO VACCINATE YOUR KIDS OR THEY WILL DIE!!!

IV: Be kind. Don't be racist and don’t be mean to other people’s religion and LOVE IS LOVE NO MATTER WHAT (unless if its a minor and an adult. THAT'S WRONG!)

V: Don’t break the law unless your saving someones life in the process

VI: Don’t blame things on other people; the only person to blame is yourself. (unless you ACTUALLY didn’t do it) 

VII: LUST. WE WANT NONE O’ THAT!!!

VIII: Be kind . . . to yourself because if you don’t you will be very miserable (I speak from experience)

IX: DON”T DO DRUGS!

X: Be peaceful

[2:7] Tharassor is not the serious guy he was in the last book he’s actually a very weird guy

[2:8] That’s why he put 300 restaurants in the great goodness

[2:9] The universe in this religion holds much space; enough to fit other religions 

[2:10] One of the core beliefs is that every religion is real and it depends on what you believe in

[2:11] As Erwin created Meatball Mountains he said “IT'S A SPICY ONE!!!”

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[2:12] The months, days, holidays, and zodiac signs:

Jan, 1st-Feb, 3rd: Meatolis (named after Meatball Man)

Sign of powering through the evil to be good

Planets: Uranus, Moon

Feb, 4th-Mar, 5: Erwintary (named after Erwin)

Sign of evil and annoyance 

Planets: Sun, Venus, Mars

Mar, 6th-Apr, 11th: Unitarios (named after the universe)

Sign of being special and unique

Planets: Saturn, Uranus, WASP-12b 

Apr, 12th-May, 8th: Rainos 

Sign of kindness and fearless leader

Planets: Moon, Earth, Sun, Mars

May, 9th-June, 15th Itchdosian 

The sign of being weird, but funny

Planets: Mercury, Neptune, Moon

June, 16th-July, 4th: Mothsonian

The sign of being rare 

Planets:  Saturn,  Moon,  Jupiter

July, 5th-July, 20th: Rareresom 

The sign of being really rare

Planets: WASP-12b, Earth, Pluto

July, 21st- Aug,  20th: Perftision 

The sign of rudeness and thinking that you’re perfect

Planets: Earth, Moon, Uranus

Aug,  21st- Sep, 10th: Uniquasainian 

The sign of silliness and craziness

Planets: Uranus, Sun

Sep, 11th-Oct, 6th: Pootary 

The sign of mental wellness

Planets: Earth

Oct, 7th-Nov, 20th Gorzian

The sign of being cool

Planets: Mercury, Neptune

Nov, 21st-Dec, 2nd Mindinus 

The sign of being smart and wise

Planets: Jupiter

Dec 3rd-Itch, 29th Horoz

The sign of being weird funny and rare

Planets: Mercury, Neptune, Sun